Good News

So, I clicked on a link to an article on marriage this morning, and was pleasantly suprised to read the following about divorce rates: "At last count, America's divorce rate had fallen to 36%, it's lowest level since 1970. That's because, on the whole, most of us like being married, and so do our spouses." (Reference: New Rules for a Good Marriage at msn.com).

I feel like our Sunday school class has generalized about how sinful the world has become over and over for the past month. I think things are much more complex and that it's very limited to only see the problems in our society. We need to be realistic about the problems around us, but I also think we should not lose sight of the fact that we also live in amazing times where people are doing incredible things.

We've also been talking about preparing to go to the temple and temple marriages in Young Women's the past month. This has been an incredible opportunity to reflect on how much I love being married and how blessed I am to be married to Tim.

We always hear that depressing 50% statistic, so I thought I'd share the good news that divorce rates have fallen and people do value marriage!

The Wallpaper Pledge

Tonight I pledge to never, ever put up wallpaper. Dan helped me begin the tedious job of removing the 40 year-old avocado green, fuzzy wallpaper from our entry wall this past week. Amazingly, we've managed to remove the hideous paper using water, a power sprayer, scrapers, and lots of determination. We even discovered how plastic can help by accident (we were protecting a light switch). If you spray down the wallpaper with water, cover it with plastic, then leave it, the paper is much easier to remove later. Tim came home and added a scoring technique to all of this. He is now determined to get the paper down tonight (yeah!). Here are some pictures of how the wall looks now. I can't wait until this atrocious paper is history! Once we get this wall painted, I'll post some pictures.

Maybe it's Just Too Personal...

After reflecting on the comments on my last post and thinking things over, a new perspective came to me. Maybe it's not that the art of dialogue is gone, but just that some things are too personal, some choices are too close to home, to talk objectively about. I've come to the point with political discussions where I'm just hoping people will be polite, but if I'm truthful, I'm longing to have a discussion with someone who shares my views and passions. It's truly an adventure living in the midwest, being active in the LDS church, and being politically liberal.
I'm also more comfortable talking with moms who have parenting philosophies that are similar to mine. Then again, I've never liked being just like everyone else, so maybe I thrive a bit on being different in my own way too. I definitely get my back up when someone seems to disparage my choices or make assumptions about me based on them. And I'm not usually grateful for unsolicited information or advice. And, when it comes to health and food issues, it can be difficult to stand by when you think someone else's choices are dangerous or ill-informed. There's a reason so many groups of similarly minded people flourish - we all thrive amidst affirmation.
We all privately look around us and choose to adopt what we admire in the choices of others and let go of the rest. I guess the trick is to learn to do so without needing to feel like our choices make us superior or that we always have to declare our dissent. This is definitely something I could work on. It's so personal trying to figure out when to speak up and when doing so serves no useful purpose or can actually harm a relationship. In order to have great relationships with friends and family, sometimes it's better to let some topics go.
Despite all of this, I still long to master the art of dialogue, to find that friend that loves to talk and discuss more than she loves affirmation, and who can bring that quality out in me.

The Art of Dialogue

I met two new moms at the pool together last week and ended up talking with them for quite some time. They were clearly great friends and it came up in conversation that one mom home schooled her son and the other sent her kids to public school. In the course of our conversation, I loved how they obviously respected each other's choices and had no difficulty talking about schooling. The mom who home schooled her son said she did it because it was "right for her son," but she didn't know what choice she'd make with her baby. I talked to her about the reasons I want to send my daughter to preschool and school and she nodded with understanding. She then said something to the effect of, "You just have to do what's right for you and your child. It's not about one thing being right for everyone."
I was thrilled - and I hope I run into her again at the pool. So often, we get so defensive about our choices, especially when it comes to our kids. At times, I feel like talking about parenting is like stepping in quick sand with some moms. I trust myself as a mom, I respect other moms, I take in different ideas, and then at the end of the day I decide for myself. I wish we could just talk about our ideas and choices without worrying about convincing everyone else - where I have my baby, where my children are schooled, my religion, my political views, what my family eats - I wish we could just talk about these things without feeling that we have to convince everyone that our way is the only way or feeling that a dissenting opinion is a criticism.
I'm not sure where this came from today, but I've been reading different blogs and talking to people lately and it was on my mind. Sometimes I'm worried we've lost the art of real dialogue and finding it with these women was like discovering treasure.

Enjoying Company

We really enjoyed having Tim's family come to visit last week. We had elaborate plans to see the sites, but spent most of our time simply enjoying the sun and each other's company. We were sad to see Grandma, Grandpa, and Kim go on Sunday, but we're excited to have Dan with us another week. Here's a few photos of Ella enjoying the sun with Dad and Dan. She also had Grandma Nancy wrapped around her finger - here they are reading together. I can't believe how many new words Ella picked up this week as well with so many people teaching her new vocabulary!

Meeting Up in Nauvoo

Ella is absolutely thrilled by all of the attention she's receiving this week. Grandma and Grandpa Farmer have come to visit, along with Uncle Dan and Aunt Kimberly. Tim, Ella, and I drove to Nauvoo to meet them yesterday morning. We toured the town, then they came to stay with us in Jacksonville for a few days. What a treat to have so many people to play with!

Summer Splash

Ella and I put on our swimsuits yesterday and took advantage of the gorgeous weather. Tim picked up a little pool for her recently and we've enjoyed dipping our feet in the cold water. Once Ella gets used to it, she loves to splash around go "Up. Down." in the water. Here's some fun photos of her enjoying the heat.